i love these books so much and I'm so glad that i discovered them. i just finished reading River Secrets last night. i think it was my favorite out of the three. maybe it's because it's Razo's story this time. it's so much different getting into a boy's head. but completely exciting. i enjoyed reading into Razo's mind. it was fascinating. the story is so unexpected and beautiful. i recommend all of these books. you will become obsessed. they are on the top of my list of favorite books and author. Forest Born is the next Book of Bayern. it'll be way different, but i'm always excited to read another one of Shannon Hale's books. now go read these!!!

Everything Will Be Okay

my surgery is getting closer and closer. my heart starts beating a little faster whenever i think about it. what if something goes wrong? what if i don't wake up? what if it just makes things worse? how long until i can walk? until i can dance? these thoughts run on an endless track in my head everyday. i fight the urge to cry. i push out all of the bad thoughts and force in the though that everything will be okay. the surgery will go perfectly. Dick Cook will give me a blessing to protect me and help me. Heavenly Father will be by my side in the surgery room and he won't leave. Everything will be okay. and if it's not? Heavenly Father will still be there. He always will be, forever. that gives me so much comfort. it diminishes some of the fears. now the main fear is just, what happens after? I'm scared that i won't rehab well. that my new knee won't cooperate and function like it should. but we can only wait to see. prayers will be my life support through all of this...it already has been. from the beginning.
sometimes i feel guilty about how i felt when i found out. i was so angry. mostly at myself. i became jealous of people who were able to walk around so easily. to dance so beautifully. nothing was wrong with them. why did this have to happen to me?? i was so good and i was still improving. and now it'll take who-knows-how long to get it all back. 3 years of training. gone in a second. and now i have to train my new knee how to do it all. all over again. how long will that take? i can't just not dance. it's in me and it's there forever. unless something like this can take it away. but it can't. i won't let it.
i know this happened to me for a reason. and after the feelings of anger and jealousy become nothing, i have accepted that this was meant to happen. there is a reason for it. obviously i don't know what that reason is, but hopefully someday i will. Heavenly Father has only blessed me with this trial, not punished me. and that thought gives me comfort, hope, and faith that everything will be okay.

photo by this guy. aka one of my fave photographers

Euro Love and Tights

from H&M a long time ago

i want these coats, sweaters, tights, heels, hats, cardis. oh love.
this is how to be colorful during the dark (and cold) months of winter.

Pointe

Heather Ogden in The Sleeping Beauty

i want to go see a ballet really badly. I'm craving it. hopefully I'll be able to see one during the holidays, which is always my favorite. oh and i love Heather Ogden/

Thanks for.....

the beach house, warm weather at the beach in the middle of fall
conversations about literature! (with the last people I'd imagine would care so much)
homemade pancakes with chocolate chips and whipped cream
the sound of the ocean outside the windows
the crazy and amazing girls in our ward
my camera phone
being reunited with my big sister in LA
shopping at the Beverly Center with Briezy
warm California weather on thanksgiving!
amazing food
being with the Dalands and Cooks and Chens
the Daland's cute house
Chloe singing her cute songs
watching football everyday
seeing New Moon with sister
Jacob Black
going shopping again with Brianna: the mall, Target, Joanns
going to the Sorensens
blasting Christmas music in Clay's BMW
singing to Christmas music with Clayton and Anna
Clayton's singing and hand motions
playing a 3 hour card game until 1:30 in the morning
the laughs of everyone around the table
USC football....so happy they won
finishing The Summoning and starting a new book
going to bed around 1 or 2 every single night
church and my favorite little kids (the Lytles and Dalands)
talking to Nick
my boots
not wearing my brace
talking to Robert
other people's stories
the trial(s) I'm going through now
prayer and this gospel

Newport

newport is beautiful. the temple is beautiful and the best friend who i didnt get to see is beautiful.

just because

Rules: you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
yeah...I'm not gonna tag anyone, but here it goes...

1) when i was little i was deathly afraid of fireworks. i just thought they would come all the way down and kill us all. haha. but i prayed during the whole firework show on 4th of July that that wouldn't happen. and now i LOVE fireworks!!
2) i want to have 5 kids: 3 girls and 2 boys. call me crazy
3) the reason i want 5 kids is mainly because of the Daland family who i used to babysit all the time. they're the cutest family
4) i get headaches/migraines daily. I'm basically immune to the brown Advil now.
5) i think about the past A LOT
6) i miss all of my past friendships
7) now, I'm DEATHLY afraid of clowns. I'll cry if i see one.
8) i probably watch too much TV. but i only watch the good shows, i promise
9) for some reason, people always think I'm smart and i get good grades. just because I'm semi-quiet in class doesn't mean I'm an amazing student. actually i have horrible grades. but at least i try hard
10) i only let myself eat healthy cereal. the only exception is crunch berries and peanut butter crunch every once in a while
11) i love traveling and road trips. i like getting away from this bubble and seeing new and beautiful things
12) i get lost in music and dance
13) it absolutely kills me that i can't dance now. it's so painful to watch people dance. i even get jealous of seeing people just walking around normally and easily
14) i have trust issues
15) Disneyland really is the happiest place on earth!! at least, in my world it is.
16) i want to live in LA, SD, NY, and on the beach at some point in my life. (not all at once of course)
17) if i had to choose a super power i would choose invisibility and mind reading. just think of how useful they would be. so much more useful than flying
18) i still have my baby blanket
19) i'm not sure who my real friends are anymore
20) i think about him everyday.
21) i have many nicknames. i like them a lot
22) i am major OCD about having clean hands. i wash my hands so many times during the day. i cannot stand having dirty hands. it's just disgusting
crap i cant think of any more right now, i shall finish laterrrr

Heartwarming

this is a beautiful journey. it makes me want to drive across country. just taking pictures of absolutely everything. but even more, it makes me wish my relationship with my father was like this one. this girl is so lucky. her father shows his love for her with more than a few nice things every once in a while. he would do EVERYTHING for her. sacrifice EVERYTHING. she is his life. she means the WORLD to him. and i wish i had that. they know each other so well. in the photos, in the letters, you can literally feel the connection, the love, the knowledge. it was so uplifting to look at their journey, but for me, kind of sad. because i want that.
in his beautiful portraits of his daughter, you can see the strength and confidence in her eyes. the strong woman that he raised so perfectly. she's her own self though. and he sees and knows that.
and then the love and admiration she has for him. it's unbelievable. maybe just because i have never truly experienced that. I've only experienced fear, sorrow, shyness. he doesn't know me. he doesn't understand what i love and dream of. but she admires her father so much. me, i just hope to never be like my father. i hope my husband will be a better father to our kids than my father was to us. he isn't even much of a father. more like a father figure. and that is so sad. but so true.
but this journey, of this girl and her father, it is just perfect.

Cold Air

Today was cold and lonely. the skies are white and gray. there's no rain. I'm waiting for something, but i have no clue what it is. a change of some sort.
ever since my knee injury, that is pretty much the only thing that I'm ever thinking about. my head throbs along with my knee. it's painful everyday. but a new pain in a new place. my mind is so pre-occupied. i feel so distant from the world. from my world. i can't tell what I'm doing really. it's such a weird feeling. this feeling of detachment. i don't know what to do with the days. there's nothing really. just sitting on the couch, leg extended and elevated with an ice pack resting on it. watching the same shows over and over. it's like i don't have any friends anymore. i feel like i don't know who anyone is. maybe it's because when i try to explain to them the stuff about my knee, they don't really care. they don't listen. they don't sympathize as i want them to. but i knew that no one would know exactly and understand what I'm going through. i knew they wouldn't want to hear all that much about it. other than the people who have been through it. but i still want them to. and a part of me needs them to. that is why i feel lonely and lost. i don't have someone who really actually cares that much, enough to listen to everything i complain about concerning my knee. but i just realized, the only person i truly need and that will always listen and cry with me, is my Savior. yeah, i would really like other people to be like that too, but it's just not going to happen. so i am so very grateful for Him. He has made me feel peaceful about this and He has comforted me. i love him so much.

wow, i didn't really know what this post was going to be about, but i didn't think it would lead to me talking about all of that haha. i really just wanted to post this hilarious story that i just read from the Rockstar Diaries. i loved it. and it made me even more excited for the holidays :) i just wished it snowed here :(

{photo by me in Utah last winter}

San Diego, my love

to start off my wonderful weekend, my family went to the BYU Ballroom Company show in Oxnard. it was pretty fantastic. i loved the costumes and the dancing, of course. and we found such a cute place in Oxnard on the way. it looks like Utah! it was so pretty and magical looking. I'm definitely going there again, especially to take pictures.
Saturday morning, me and Kayla drove 3 hours down to San Diego. no traffic. it was nice. we met up with everyone at their stake center. i walked into the cultural hall with perfect timing. the whistle in Ash and Katrina's basketball game had just been blown to call a timeout. they both ran over to me and gave me a nice hug, since they were sweaty and all, trying not to cover me in it. haha. after their game we gathered the troops and went to El Pollo Loco. their dad paid. he is the nicest man i think I've ever met. i love both of their parents. after, we went to their house to get ready for the game. after Katrina lost a ticket, and jeanique found it under our car, we were off to meet up with their dad again. once with him and on the freeway, we realized we didn't have the tickets. jeanique left them in Ashlee's car. we went back then were off once again to Qualcomm Stadium. we got a sweet parking spot and started walking up to the stadium. but we left the tickets in the car. so we went back (again). once inside the stadium, we ran around basically the whole thing, looking for where we were allowed to sit. we missed the whole pregame show. bleh. the game was fun, but felt more like a baseball game because the stadium wasn't packed, and, well, it was a pretty boring game. BYU won 38-28. Ashlee was mad that Katrina was cheering for both teams. haha. after the game, we went back to Ashlee's car and went to pick up Robert. squishing 4 people into the back seat all the way to downtown. we had a dance partayyy and drank Monsters. my favorite :) Robert bought mine and Kayla's ticket for the haunted hotel (arghhh), then we had to wait in line for only about three hours. no biggie. oh my hells, it was horrible. then we FINALLY went through. i was gripping onto Katrina so hard that my left arm hurt so badly afterward. it was pretty freaking scary. i basically just looked down at my feet the whole time though, not willing to look around and enjoy the scenery. we drove straight home after, all of us so exhausted and tired. Sunday, we ate waffles and went to church. their ward is ridiculously small and old. i don't know what they would think if they came to my ward! Robert's two little sisters were there. they are adorable. and he is SO good with them. it made me so happy, but also sad for some reason.... After sacrament, we had to say our goodbyes. i don't know why Kayla wanted to leave then, but whatever. we totally could have stayed much longer. i absolutely hate saying goodbye. but I'm hoping they can come up for winter concert.
i love these people with all my heart and i'm so thankful i have them in my life!!!!

rain, rain, don't go away

i usually despise the rain. i hate it when it comes. but this year i love it. just like how i love fall so much this year. i know how much California has been needing the rain, so this is a blessing. and I've been looking forward to wearing big jackets and boots :) i love the feeling of the rain just washing everything away and cleansing the earth. that's what i need for my life right now. for it to be cleansed. all the bad things washed away. i want them to leave my mind and to stop haunting me. I'm praying for that. it will happen. i can feel it.
and for a start, I'm going to San Diego this weekend!!!!!!! me and Kayla are going to the BYU vs. SDSU game! i've never been to a BYU game, so it should be fun and different. which is good, different is good. and of course, katrina and ashlee are going! then we're gonna hang out all day!! and hopefully spend the night if kayla stops being so stubborn. well, i am more than excited. i need these people in my life right now, if only for a day.
hummmmm
as depressed as i somewhat feel right now, i just have to think about going to SD on saturday and a huge smile takes over my face :))

{pictures soon}

OCTOBER OCTOBER OCTOBER!!!

finally!! strangely, i don't remember myself ever being this excited for October and fall. but i just love it so much this year! today was pretty much like any ordinary day in my high school life, but IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF OCTOBER!!!
last night, i wore thermal leggings and a huge USC shirt to bed. my feet were unfamiliar-ly cold. it was awesome. oh and as i ran out the front door into the dark morning, my mom handed me a thermos of hot chocolate!! it was so nice. i walked down the stairs outside and the wind immediately messed up my hair, but i welcomed it. i felt like a sophisticated woman in New York or LA, rushing out of her apartment with a steaming cup of coffee in hand, stressed to get in that taxi to arrive at work on time. but secretly she knows how cool she looks in her pencil skirt, red heels, and neatly tucked in button up shirt. yep, that's almost what i felt like this morning.
the weather is perfect...although a bit dry and windy, but that's California for you.

Rewind

{photo by me in Venice}

back to this weekend. Friday night, me and Miranda went to Venice by ourselves. two girls. not a good idea. we bought a few cute bracelets. we were planning on taking pictures for photo, but we didn't want to look strange taking pictures. but actually, we were the most normal looking people there. so we left pretty fast. we went to Tito's Tacos. it was fantastic. then we enjoyed the new Menchie's in MP. we both want to work there. we drove around TO with the windows down and music blasting. it was a fun night. (after getting out of Valencia)
then Saturday, Robert came up from San Diego. we watched a little football, went to Lotus, the mall, just cruised around to kill the time. i saw a bunch of my friends at the mall! and people kept calling/texting me, so Robert thought i was so popular hahahha.
we got ready then went to CFY at the stake center. it was nice and i felt the spirit pretty strongly. i have always loved CFY (best of EFY). we finally found Justin and Hunter (friends from EFY). Justin brought his friends Paul and Mckenna. they were really nice.
Everybody had to write a commitment on a piece of paper and tie it to a balloon. then all of us let go of our balloons and watched them drift away into the clear sky. it was pretty cool :)

we had El Pollo Loco for dinner. yum. then we all (my friends) went to the Dollar Store and had a pretty crazy time in there hahah. we showed up to the dance with plastic blue patriotic hats decorated with stickers saying "STOP GIRL", "CAUTION", "KEEP OUT" hahahh so funny. and of course, glowsticks!! but the leaders eventually told us we weren't allowed to have glowsticks, so we decorated Hunter's car with them. we partied outside until the live band was done playing stupid songs. Paul and Justin tried to get as many girls' numbers as possible (including mine). then i had to say goodbye to everyone. i hope i see them all soon.
it was a lame dance, but i think we had a ton of fun. all of our after party plans didn't happen and cassie couldn't sleep over, so the night wasn't as fun as it potentially could have been, but I'm so happy i was able to re-unite with these friends and meet some new ones!!
another fantastic weekend. now i need to think of something fun to do for the long weekend in three days!

{pictures by Sister Bowers}

17

On the eve of Autumn, i turned 17. (a.k.a. yesterday)
It was a great day.
it wasn't as hot as today and the Santa Ana's hadn't struck yet.
i woke to homemade signs made by kayla on my bedroom door.
i made rainbow cupcakes the night before and brought them to my seminary class.
me and jaime celebrated our birthdays together.
apparently i'm older than him. by about 16 hours. haha
everybody wished me a happy birthday. even Vaughn, Carly, Ben, and Lesley remembered :)
it made me very happy. i love feeling noticed and loved.
Cassie and her mom took me to 3 Amigos for lunch. it was Cassie's mom's birthday on Sunday.
i had no homework and spent the day laying on the couch reading The Lovely Bones.
Later we went to Mimi's Cafe for dinner. then we rented the Hannah Montana Movie!
so much fun.
and i ended my birthday with watching One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl.
then falling asleep on the couch

p.s. no presents??? nope, but my mom said it'll be here by friday. my dad will give me the ones from him over the weekend and brianna got me something too! won't know till i see her again

{photos by me, click to enlarge}

Right Now

I just want to get away. far away. i want to breathe. i want to feel San Diego sand on my feet. i want to dance for hours. i want to see my best friends in person. i want to hug them. tell them i love them in person. i want to run without getting tired. i want to climb up a tree and sit there for hours. reading, looking at people below and birds above. sitting with a close friend. i want my skin to soak in the sun again. i want my own space. i want my sister to lighten up. i want to stay in LA for a week. i want my dreams to come true.

i want my dreams to come true.

I Can Smell Autumn

As i walked home today, i listened to my Ipod. it felt so peaceful. Safetysuit has the most beautiful music and lyrics. my school bag was light. i had no homework or assignments on my mind. it was a cloudy and cold day. but coming straight from dance, the cold air was welcomed as i walked the mile home. the leaves were still green, but there were more on the ground than usual. the streets were empty and there were no cars in front of the Taylor home. my favorite part of my daily walk were the smells. i could smell vanilla, fresh damp grass, the bark of trees, spices. it was amazing. it was a delicious mix of scents. it smelled like Halloween. autumn. maybe my favorite time of year. but then again, i say that about every time of year...

Cherry

i have a weakness for cherry blossoms.

i die at the site of them.
my heart melts.
they're glorious.

{photo by ciao, chessa}
especially when they're in photos like these:

Car Car

i love going after school with my best friend Carly to get our nails done. or to stuff ourselves at the mall. or to walk to the hospital and eat the food there. no matter what we do, it is always soo much fun and always turns into an adventure. we laugh so much. we never get mad at each other, unless it's just sarcastically. and we like to have deep conversations. she's pretty much the only friend i can do all of these things with. I'm truly myself around her, and I'm not afraid to be. we make fun of each other, but never take it seriously. we tell each other straight up the way it is. we have a million inside jokes and even more fun and crazy memories. i love her i lover her. and I'm soooo thankful that she's my best friend. even though we're really different, we even each other out.
I'm not even really myself around my best best friend, Brenna. Carly is just so much easier to be around.
this was random ranting but i just wanted to say how much i love Carly and the times we have together! =]]]

just skip to 0:50 to see the best dance i think i have ever witnessed. well, in this genre at least haha

"wake up; get up; stand up for your rights"

hugs are always better long
and seeds need the sun
you can always right your wrongs
and tomorrow always comes
no matter what the situation
don't listen to what they say
remember remember
after night comes day

don't know exactly how he wanted to interpret this, but i think it's pretty deep
winston, i love you

the summer sun beat down on us

this weekend was lovely.

what i loved about it:
Thursday me and Carly spent a fun day at the mall after school. She's my best friend.
Kayla, Brianna, and Mark arrived early Friday morning
Hollywood with Kayla and Mark
the crowded beach on Saturday. Taking about 2 hours to get there.
In-N-Out after
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince with mom and Bri at Muvico. loved it!
Jake and James' homecoming talks. Longest sacrament meeting of my life.
watching Across the Universe
going to the Wright's house with Bri. Love them
a warm beach night for sunset and stars with Kayla and Mark. Kayla's hilarious friends came later. Miranda and Ben stayed for a little bit.

what i didn't like:
Kayla and Brianna stealing all of my clothes, leaving me with nothing to wear

my dad bailed on taking me and Carly to the dodger game on Sunday =[

Kay, Bri, and Mark leaving this morning. Being in an empty, quiet house again

going back to school

i hate saying goodbye. i hate letting go.

but they'll be back in 4 weeks =]

GO and WATCH!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5m9YSs5EjeU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svPgENMwYko

Especially For SUMMER

take a look at these adorable clothes =] mmm i love summertime. and EFY...pictures coming soon hopefully!

Rue

Deep in the meadow, under the willow
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes
And when again they open, the sun will rise.

Here it's safe, here it's warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you.

Deep in the meadow, hidden far away
A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray
Forget your woes and let your troubles lay
And when again it's morning, they'll wash away.

Here it's safe, here it's warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you.

*from The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

craving.

so i walked into the kitchen. there really is nothingg to eat in our house. i wish i could drive. i suddenly had a crazing for hot chocolate. weird, since it's supposed to be summer. but it has been feeling like winter kinda. so every time i make hot chocolate, i hate having just water and chocolate. so i always add something like cinnamon or peppermint. this time i made the PERFECT combination. finally. a little more than 1/4 water, boil it. add the packet of chocolate powder. then fill the rest of the mug with cold milk. ahhhh. the milk adds the perfect amount of creaminess. then gulp it down before it gets too cold =]

Mad Tea Party

******

*Lorick New York* brilliant.
(click on image to enlarge)