i love these books so much and I'm so glad that i discovered them. i just finished reading River Secrets last night. i think it was my favorite out of the three. maybe it's because it's Razo's story this time. it's so much different getting into a boy's head. but completely exciting. i enjoyed reading into Razo's mind. it was fascinating. the story is so unexpected and beautiful. i recommend all of these books. you will become obsessed. they are on the top of my list of favorite books and author. Forest Born is the next Book of Bayern. it'll be way different, but i'm always excited to read another one of Shannon Hale's books. now go read these!!!

Everything Will Be Okay

my surgery is getting closer and closer. my heart starts beating a little faster whenever i think about it. what if something goes wrong? what if i don't wake up? what if it just makes things worse? how long until i can walk? until i can dance? these thoughts run on an endless track in my head everyday. i fight the urge to cry. i push out all of the bad thoughts and force in the though that everything will be okay. the surgery will go perfectly. Dick Cook will give me a blessing to protect me and help me. Heavenly Father will be by my side in the surgery room and he won't leave. Everything will be okay. and if it's not? Heavenly Father will still be there. He always will be, forever. that gives me so much comfort. it diminishes some of the fears. now the main fear is just, what happens after? I'm scared that i won't rehab well. that my new knee won't cooperate and function like it should. but we can only wait to see. prayers will be my life support through all of this...it already has been. from the beginning.
sometimes i feel guilty about how i felt when i found out. i was so angry. mostly at myself. i became jealous of people who were able to walk around so easily. to dance so beautifully. nothing was wrong with them. why did this have to happen to me?? i was so good and i was still improving. and now it'll take who-knows-how long to get it all back. 3 years of training. gone in a second. and now i have to train my new knee how to do it all. all over again. how long will that take? i can't just not dance. it's in me and it's there forever. unless something like this can take it away. but it can't. i won't let it.
i know this happened to me for a reason. and after the feelings of anger and jealousy become nothing, i have accepted that this was meant to happen. there is a reason for it. obviously i don't know what that reason is, but hopefully someday i will. Heavenly Father has only blessed me with this trial, not punished me. and that thought gives me comfort, hope, and faith that everything will be okay.

photo by this guy. aka one of my fave photographers

Euro Love and Tights

from H&M a long time ago

i want these coats, sweaters, tights, heels, hats, cardis. oh love.
this is how to be colorful during the dark (and cold) months of winter.

Pointe

Heather Ogden in The Sleeping Beauty

i want to go see a ballet really badly. I'm craving it. hopefully I'll be able to see one during the holidays, which is always my favorite. oh and i love Heather Ogden/