Current problems with my life right now:
-Pete Carrol freaking left SC for the SEAHAWKS...WTF!?!?
life over
-I'm probably not doing anything fun this weekend...its a 4-day weekend
-my head is pounding...which is actually pretty normal for me
-my time with robert is ticking and i hate thinking about going everyday without talking to him
-not going to senior ball
-not dancing
-not going to college...according to my mom and her refusal to pay
-not going to EFY
-refusing to go to Maryland because I'm not going to EFY
-literally have 4 guys wanting me...i want none of them
-the one...or two...guys that i want...i don't have the chance anymore
-i need someone to make me happy
-i am CRAVING San Diego. i would move there in a heart beat
leave all of this behind
things to look forward to???
yeah...i can't even think of anything that applies to that question
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Dear, 2009
New Year's Eve was celebrated at Disneyland with Brianna and Tim Heinze's family. it was an amazing way to ring in 2009! i will never forget it :)
January:
-we got a new president. i was really excited about it, but now, almost a whole year later, I'm not so sure anymore.
-me and Bryce stayed at the Sorensen's for a weekend while my mom was in Maryland. this is when me and Anna became good friends :)
February:
-the Raymond's moved here from Arizona.
-i drove up to Utah with the Sorensen's for President's day/Valentine's weekend and spent a wonderful weekend with my sisters. i fell in love with the snow and Utah in the winter. i also started falling for BYU.
-Andrew Sorensen left on his mission to Atlanta.
-i got contacts...it was a big deal!
-Spring break was relaxing and productive.
May:
-started off with our annual May Dance Concert!! everyone in advanced became so close and we had so much fun!
-i tried out for team for a second time and didn't make it. it made absolutely no sense, but now, i am so glad that i didn't. i am much happier in advanced than i would ever be on team.
June:
-end of junior year and the beginning of an amazing summer!
-i finally got a new phone...the EnV Touch.
-Youth Conference was my first adventure of the summer.
-i saw Transformers 2 with Miranda, Ben, and Jacob at midnight at Muvico!
-and the highlight of my summer: EFY!!!! BEST.WEEK.EVER. i can go on forever about it.
July:
-fourth of July with my best friend Carly :) but i was missing EFY like crazy
-unfortunately i had to take summer school for 3 weeks for algebra 2.
-spent a fun day in LA for my dad's birthday. we went to LA live and bowled at luckystrike then went to the Dodger game!
-then i went to San Diego on the last day of summer school and spent the weekend with 2 friends from EFY...now my best friends. BEST. WEEKEND. EVER.
August:
-was girl's camp! ward camp instead of stake, and i liked it so much more! all of the girls in our ward bonded so much! we're truly like sisters now.
-The family drove up to Utah for Kayla's graduation and moved both of them back here.
-Me, Bri, and Bryce spent a fun day with my dad at an SC football practice
-i started my senior year in high school!
September:
-CFY (conference for youth)...Robert came up from SD and Hunter and Justin from EFY came with their friends Mckenna and Paul. we had so much fun and me, Hunter, and Justin got to celebrate our birthdays together!
October:
-Me and Kayla drove down to SD to go to the BYU-SDSU football game. we spent all day with Ashlee and Katrina then went to the Haunted Hotel in the Gaslamp District! we spent the night and went to there ward in the morning then went back home. another amazing weekend.
-Right before Halloween, i hurt my knee in dance, finding out later that i tore my ACL.
November:
-The family minus Brianna went down to SD once again to go to the FIDM open house there and the debut fashion show. later that day, i met up with Ashlee and Katrina and we went to Sea World!!! my first time! we had a blast! i LOVE them
-our YM and YW had a temple trip down to Newport and had a great time as always. unfortunately i didn't get to see Winston :(
December:
-started off with Winter Dance Concert. i was able to dance a little, with my brace on. i still had so much fun though and the new advanced class bonded a lot!
-i had my knee surgery...first surgery in my whole life! it was pretty scary and very painful.
-winter break consisted of laying in bed, watching movies, eating saltines and ice chips, drugs, and throwing up. but the second week got a little better when i was able to walk!
-Christmas wasn't as enjoyable as i would have wanted...i was still in a lot of pain and it was only my 2nd/3rd day of walking.
-New Years was spent at Carly's house for her older brother's party. we had so much fun (as always) i spent the rest of the next day hanging out with her and Jessie :)
more pictures coming!
i started 2009 continuing my junior year in high school. the hardest year yet.
-we got a new president. i was really excited about it, but now, almost a whole year later, I'm not so sure anymore.
-me and Bryce stayed at the Sorensen's for a weekend while my mom was in Maryland. this is when me and Anna became good friends :)
February:
-the Raymond's moved here from Arizona.
-i drove up to Utah with the Sorensen's for President's day/Valentine's weekend and spent a wonderful weekend with my sisters. i fell in love with the snow and Utah in the winter. i also started falling for BYU.
March:
-our stake did a Road Show. it was so much fun and all the youth in our ward got to know each other better and became closer :)
-Brianna spent a weekend here and i met all of Anna's friends. this was the beginning of many many fun nights with those people!
April: -our stake did a Road Show. it was so much fun and all the youth in our ward got to know each other better and became closer :)
-Brianna spent a weekend here and i met all of Anna's friends. this was the beginning of many many fun nights with those people!
-Andrew Sorensen left on his mission to Atlanta.
-i got contacts...it was a big deal!
-Spring break was relaxing and productive.
-started off with our annual May Dance Concert!! everyone in advanced became so close and we had so much fun!
-i tried out for team for a second time and didn't make it. it made absolutely no sense, but now, i am so glad that i didn't. i am much happier in advanced than i would ever be on team.
-end of junior year and the beginning of an amazing summer!
-i finally got a new phone...the EnV Touch.
-Youth Conference was my first adventure of the summer.
-i saw Transformers 2 with Miranda, Ben, and Jacob at midnight at Muvico!
-and the highlight of my summer: EFY!!!! BEST.WEEK.EVER. i can go on forever about it.
July:
-fourth of July with my best friend Carly :) but i was missing EFY like crazy
-unfortunately i had to take summer school for 3 weeks for algebra 2.
-spent a fun day in LA for my dad's birthday. we went to LA live and bowled at luckystrike then went to the Dodger game!
-then i went to San Diego on the last day of summer school and spent the weekend with 2 friends from EFY...now my best friends. BEST. WEEKEND. EVER.
August:
-was girl's camp! ward camp instead of stake, and i liked it so much more! all of the girls in our ward bonded so much! we're truly like sisters now.
-The family drove up to Utah for Kayla's graduation and moved both of them back here.
-Me, Bri, and Bryce spent a fun day with my dad at an SC football practice
-i started my senior year in high school!
September:
-CFY (conference for youth)...Robert came up from SD and Hunter and Justin from EFY came with their friends Mckenna and Paul. we had so much fun and me, Hunter, and Justin got to celebrate our birthdays together!
-Me and Kayla drove down to SD to go to the BYU-SDSU football game. we spent all day with Ashlee and Katrina then went to the Haunted Hotel in the Gaslamp District! we spent the night and went to there ward in the morning then went back home. another amazing weekend.
-Right before Halloween, i hurt my knee in dance, finding out later that i tore my ACL.
November:
-The family minus Brianna went down to SD once again to go to the FIDM open house there and the debut fashion show. later that day, i met up with Ashlee and Katrina and we went to Sea World!!! my first time! we had a blast! i LOVE them
-our YM and YW had a temple trip down to Newport and had a great time as always. unfortunately i didn't get to see Winston :(
December:
-started off with Winter Dance Concert. i was able to dance a little, with my brace on. i still had so much fun though and the new advanced class bonded a lot!
-i had my knee surgery...first surgery in my whole life! it was pretty scary and very painful.
-winter break consisted of laying in bed, watching movies, eating saltines and ice chips, drugs, and throwing up. but the second week got a little better when i was able to walk!
-Christmas wasn't as enjoyable as i would have wanted...i was still in a lot of pain and it was only my 2nd/3rd day of walking.
-New Years was spent at Carly's house for her older brother's party. we had so much fun (as always) i spent the rest of the next day hanging out with her and Jessie :)
more pictures coming!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Everything Will Be Okay
my surgery is getting closer and closer. my heart starts beating a little faster whenever i think about it. what if something goes wrong? what if i don't wake up? what if it just makes things worse? how long until i can walk? until i can dance? these thoughts run on an endless track in my head everyday. i fight the urge to cry. i push out all of the bad thoughts and force in the though that everything will be okay. the surgery will go perfectly. Dick Cook will give me a blessing to protect me and help me. Heavenly Father will be by my side in the surgery room and he won't leave. Everything will be okay. and if it's not? Heavenly Father will still be there. He always will be, forever. that gives me so much comfort. it diminishes some of the fears. now the main fear is just, what happens after? I'm scared that i won't rehab well. that my new knee won't cooperate and function like it should. but we can only wait to see. prayers will be my life support through all of this...it already has been. from the beginning.
sometimes i feel guilty about how i felt when i found out. i was so angry. mostly at myself. i became jealous of people who were able to walk around so easily. to dance so beautifully. nothing was wrong with them. why did this have to happen to me?? i was so good and i was still improving. and now it'll take who-knows-how long to get it all back. 3 years of training. gone in a second. and now i have to train my new knee how to do it all. all over again. how long will that take? i can't just not dance. it's in me and it's there forever. unless something like this can take it away. but it can't. i won't let it.
i know this happened to me for a reason. and after the feelings of anger and jealousy become nothing, i have accepted that this was meant to happen. there is a reason for it. obviously i don't know what that reason is, but hopefully someday i will. Heavenly Father has only blessed me with this trial, not punished me. and that thought gives me comfort, hope, and faith that everything will be okay.
sometimes i feel guilty about how i felt when i found out. i was so angry. mostly at myself. i became jealous of people who were able to walk around so easily. to dance so beautifully. nothing was wrong with them. why did this have to happen to me?? i was so good and i was still improving. and now it'll take who-knows-how long to get it all back. 3 years of training. gone in a second. and now i have to train my new knee how to do it all. all over again. how long will that take? i can't just not dance. it's in me and it's there forever. unless something like this can take it away. but it can't. i won't let it.
i know this happened to me for a reason. and after the feelings of anger and jealousy become nothing, i have accepted that this was meant to happen. there is a reason for it. obviously i don't know what that reason is, but hopefully someday i will. Heavenly Father has only blessed me with this trial, not punished me. and that thought gives me comfort, hope, and faith that everything will be okay.
photo by this guy. aka one of my fave photographers
Euro Love and Tights
from H&M a long time agoi want these coats, sweaters, tights, heels, hats, cardis. oh love.
this is how to be colorful during the dark (and cold) months of winter.
this is how to be colorful during the dark (and cold) months of winter.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Pointe
Heather Ogden in The Sleeping Beautyi want to go see a ballet really badly. I'm craving it. hopefully I'll be able to see one during the holidays, which is always my favorite. oh and i love Heather Ogden/
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thanks for.....
the beach house, warm weather at the beach in the middle of fall
conversations about literature! (with the last people I'd imagine would care so much)
homemade pancakes with chocolate chips and whipped cream
the sound of the ocean outside the windows
the crazy and amazing girls in our ward
my camera phone
being reunited with my big sister in LA
shopping at the Beverly Center with Briezy
warm California weather on thanksgiving!
amazing food
being with the Dalands and Cooks and Chens
the Daland's cute house
Chloe singing her cute songs
watching football everyday
seeing New Moon with sister
Jacob Black
going shopping again with Brianna: the mall, Target, Joanns
going to the Sorensens
blasting Christmas music in Clay's BMW
singing to Christmas music with Clayton and Anna
Clayton's singing and hand motions
playing a 3 hour card game until 1:30 in the morning
the laughs of everyone around the table
USC football....so happy they won
finishing The Summoning and starting a new book
going to bed around 1 or 2 every single night
church and my favorite little kids (the Lytles and Dalands)
talking to Nick
my boots
not wearing my brace
talking to Robert
other people's stories
the trial(s) I'm going through now
prayer and this gospel
conversations about literature! (with the last people I'd imagine would care so much)
homemade pancakes with chocolate chips and whipped cream
the sound of the ocean outside the windows
the crazy and amazing girls in our ward
my camera phone
being reunited with my big sister in LA
shopping at the Beverly Center with Briezy
warm California weather on thanksgiving!
amazing food
being with the Dalands and Cooks and Chens
the Daland's cute house
Chloe singing her cute songs
watching football everyday
seeing New Moon with sister
Jacob Black
going shopping again with Brianna: the mall, Target, Joanns
going to the Sorensens
blasting Christmas music in Clay's BMW
singing to Christmas music with Clayton and Anna
Clayton's singing and hand motions
playing a 3 hour card game until 1:30 in the morning
the laughs of everyone around the table
USC football....so happy they won
finishing The Summoning and starting a new book
going to bed around 1 or 2 every single night
church and my favorite little kids (the Lytles and Dalands)
talking to Nick
my boots
not wearing my brace
talking to Robert
other people's stories
the trial(s) I'm going through now
prayer and this gospel
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