Cold Air

Today was cold and lonely. the skies are white and gray. there's no rain. I'm waiting for something, but i have no clue what it is. a change of some sort.
ever since my knee injury, that is pretty much the only thing that I'm ever thinking about. my head throbs along with my knee. it's painful everyday. but a new pain in a new place. my mind is so pre-occupied. i feel so distant from the world. from my world. i can't tell what I'm doing really. it's such a weird feeling. this feeling of detachment. i don't know what to do with the days. there's nothing really. just sitting on the couch, leg extended and elevated with an ice pack resting on it. watching the same shows over and over. it's like i don't have any friends anymore. i feel like i don't know who anyone is. maybe it's because when i try to explain to them the stuff about my knee, they don't really care. they don't listen. they don't sympathize as i want them to. but i knew that no one would know exactly and understand what I'm going through. i knew they wouldn't want to hear all that much about it. other than the people who have been through it. but i still want them to. and a part of me needs them to. that is why i feel lonely and lost. i don't have someone who really actually cares that much, enough to listen to everything i complain about concerning my knee. but i just realized, the only person i truly need and that will always listen and cry with me, is my Savior. yeah, i would really like other people to be like that too, but it's just not going to happen. so i am so very grateful for Him. He has made me feel peaceful about this and He has comforted me. i love him so much.

wow, i didn't really know what this post was going to be about, but i didn't think it would lead to me talking about all of that haha. i really just wanted to post this hilarious story that i just read from the Rockstar Diaries. i loved it. and it made me even more excited for the holidays :) i just wished it snowed here :(

{photo by me in Utah last winter}

rain, rain, don't go away

i usually despise the rain. i hate it when it comes. but this year i love it. just like how i love fall so much this year. i know how much California has been needing the rain, so this is a blessing. and I've been looking forward to wearing big jackets and boots :) i love the feeling of the rain just washing everything away and cleansing the earth. that's what i need for my life right now. for it to be cleansed. all the bad things washed away. i want them to leave my mind and to stop haunting me. I'm praying for that. it will happen. i can feel it.
and for a start, I'm going to San Diego this weekend!!!!!!! me and Kayla are going to the BYU vs. SDSU game! i've never been to a BYU game, so it should be fun and different. which is good, different is good. and of course, katrina and ashlee are going! then we're gonna hang out all day!! and hopefully spend the night if kayla stops being so stubborn. well, i am more than excited. i need these people in my life right now, if only for a day.
hummmmm
as depressed as i somewhat feel right now, i just have to think about going to SD on saturday and a huge smile takes over my face :))

{pictures soon}